Please feel free to share your stories of how certain little self-care rituals changed your life for the better and have made you proud you started doing them.
Allow yourself to be bored at times.
No social media, no YouTube, no music, no doom scrolling looking for content, don’t give yourself a task to complete, don’t start cleaning.
Be there, in the moment, with yourself.
Let your mind wander.
And if it wanders to some dark places confront that darkness. Don’t run away, don’t let it fester. Face those inner demons.
I find a good way to do this at first is to go somewhere surrounded by nature with little to no people.
I have a specific place I go to out in the local wilderness area that is incredibly hard to get to and very isolated.
You don’t have to go so far but it needs to be a place free from distractions.
I stopped using social media. Facebook was easy, just deleted it. Instagram was step by step, first I unfollowed all the pages that I don’t know personally. Then I only used the “Following” timeline. When I only had a new photo in my feed every other day, I realized that this platform had nothing to offer me. I left Twitter when Mr. X comes around and switched to Mastodon. And I don’t think I have to explain to anyone here why I no longer use Reddit…
… he says on social media ;)
Yeah, i know. But Lemmy don’t feel like Social Media to me… More like a Internet forum.
What you call social media is corporate attention harvesting I’d say while Lemmy seams to be real social media.
We need more things in this world that are user focused.
forms of electronic communication (such as websites for social networking and microblogging) through which users create online communities to share information, ideas, personal messages, and other content (such as videos)
Definition wise, it‘s clearly social media. I get it though, the corporate giants feel more rage bait-y due to the algorithms they employ.
I dont know if its “for men”, but im a man:
Consistent workout schedule - sering progress in strength, stamina and appearance is extremly good for me.
I claimed the kitchen - after work, i shop for dinner, then throw the family out of the kitchen and cook - nice me-time and makes you a better cook.
Talking to a therapist when i feel i need it and 20mg of citalopram per day for my depression.
1: Walking home from work, timing it to go throughthe park at twilight, right on the edge of dark when your colour vision goes on the fritz and the chrominance is greater than the luminance. The grass bleeds colour but not light in a weird un-glow, and somehow it’s always cool and extra quiet. Does a body good. You never get any time in the dark that isn’t sleeping, you realise that? You never just experience the dark, it’s lights full-blast until you turn your brain off, and then back to the glare when you get up again.
2: To that end: take a shower in the dark, preferably pitch dark if you can manage it. Work out in advance where the taps/soap/towel is, and just go through the whole process as you normally would. It’s… weirdly sensual, and deeply, deeply relaxing.
3: Brown noise and rain nose together. simplynoise.com now wants to sell you shit, and hell with that - but head over to https://onlinetonegenerator.com/noise.html and select Brown noise. In another tab, head over to rainymood.com. You’ll want decent headphones for this, earbuds won’t do it justice.
4: Going to nude beaches. Not to gawk at people (seriously terrible venue for that in every respect), but to just wander around, bollocks waving in the breeze, and nobody even blinks. Someone else wanders past, tits akimbo, and you don’t even blink. Nobody cares, we just aren’t doing that right now, and when your brain realizes this, it’s the equivalent of taking your boots off after a long day. No social mask, you aren’t maintaining a posture wrt other people, there’s no eyeline politics, you can just be, and oh my fucking god you didn’t know you needed this. Also, swimming naked is like showering without socks on by comparison - and when was the last time you got direct sunlight on your balls?
You should try some dark ambient instead of noise. Some is more distracting than others but a lot of it is perfect for what you describe. Try Kammarheit.
Some days I just need to get stoned and have a wank.
Same here, but only on days that end in a Y.
Most of the days for me… the wank I mean, too poor to be stones most of the time.
Most days I have a shower and get dressed. Makes me feel like I’m able to take care of myself.
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travel alone if you have the means. go to your schedule, stop where you want, do what you want to do.
if thats not possible, alone time in general, just go for a walk. or a ride. enjoy being in a place and moment, whatever that is
As dumb and simple as it sounds, I’ve been enjoying walking. I walk the dog, even when it’s not my turn. I take a longer route sometimes, just to have some peace. Sometimes I listen to a podcast, sometimes music, sometimes nothing. Having space where no one is asking me things, I’m doing something healthy for my body and mind, and my best furry companion is enjoying it, too.
I think self care is best when it’s simple, low maintenance/energy, and not negative. Sure, some other responses are “a whiskey, a smoke” or whatever, but those are indulgences/luxuries. I think it’s good to have those things occasionally, but that’s not truly taking care of yourself. Something unhealthy for the body but pleasurable isn’t caring for yourself, in the best way.
Being outside
Playing some games alone
Sex
Jack off
As boring as this answer may be, but the one thing that was most helpful for me, is meditation. I’m an atheist and I want to run away when I hear ambient yoga music and „soothing voices“ in guided meditation, so it took a while for me to find a good entry point that was suitable for me, but it improved my daily live significantly. I don’t do it every day (because I’m still human and I can’t call it a habit yet) but I know it would make my life better if I did.
Sidenote: I also tried to create a going to bed ritual with fancy face gels and face wash, but all it spawned was a lot of pimpels and a parfume smelling pillow. So I ditched that and have again no pimpels at all, now that I let my face do it’s thing and just wash it with water and some soap every now and then.
I’d be interested in other „going to bed rituals“ that you guys may have, as I like the idea to have this kind of ritual in general.
How have you started with meditation?
It was a long journey that is probably not so interesting. If you want a somewhat different approach than many popular mediation apps (which I’m sure all have their audience and place) try the „waking up“ app by Sam Harris. I find it to be much more down to earth and focused on introspection and (meta) perception. The difference becomes more obvious in the introduction series after a few days and maybe not right in the beginning. If you really can’t afford the price, make sure to check out their „no questions asked“ stipend options that let you select a lower price to pay (or nothing).
Giving a shout-out to communities where this more accurately belongs
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If you keep avoiding “dead” communities, how will they ever be alive?
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Weight lifting and bodyweight exercises.
I have a cheap bench press and do a limited amount of exercises once or twice a week. It’s boring and repetitive.
But all those little bits add up.
Even though I’m often severely depressed, I have managed to keep going. I stop for a week or two, but then I restart. And I am reminded of that when I look in a mirror or I catch someone 'mirin. Even now when I’m getting older. I’ll have a better body at 50 than I did at 20. I don’t look like the terminator, but I look better than most guys my age.
I have a couple of degrees, but I’m less proud of those. I sometimes regret going to uni, many people have a degree, being able to study is often a result of luck (parents, money), and it is something young you did. My body is something I have accomplished over years and years of repeated (if small) effort.
A lot of it boils down to mindfulness.
When I realise my mind is wandering into anxiety territory where I make up scenarios that stress me out, take a few deep breats (box breathing is nice for this), focus on where I am right now and what I’m doing. What is actually true right now.
Take time for hygiene. I got long hair so I only wash it about once a week, using a specific soap, that smells and feels nice, condition it with a vinegar solution, rinse thoroughly.
I also brush it every day and tend to wax my beard when I go out and trim it regularly.I’m still pretty shaggy but in a way that I enjoy personally.
Besides these, I have very active hobbies, that I stick to once or twice a week. I get to physically exhaust myself, interact with people outside my daily routine, work on my skills to get better. I picked up reading again in my late 20s after over a decade of losing that interest. It clears my head in the evening when reading in bed and I’d say that habit improved my sleep.
A few things:
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Writing down five things I’m grateful for. Actually I was doing this every day earlier this year when I was depressed. Don’t just bullshit it. Write down what you’re looking forward to that day, or things that you are appreciating. It will encourage you to appreciate more, to slow the fuck down and live a peaceful life.
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Blogging/Journaling. I have been blogging on a wordpress blog but haven’t shared the URL with anyone, not even my spouse. It’s so helpful just to organize my thoughts and is helping me get in touch with my emotions instead of suppressing them.
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Two lists. I keep two lists that I refer to frequently. One is my to-do list, which I have organized in Notion. When I can see that I am getting shit done, and more importantly, I have a system for prioritizing what shit gets done, I feel better about my life. The other and arguably more important list is my anti-productivity list. My just for me list. My shit I like to do list. Take out the feelings of your parents, your partner, your friends. Be selfish for a damn minute. Write down the things that truly make you happy. And make sure you do something on that list at a minimum once a week.
For me some of those things include:
<List>
- Long showers during the spring time with the windows/doors open so a breeze can come in.
- Smoking a cigar in the bathtub with a glass of scotch.
- Watching Studio Ghibli movies.
- Watching my favorite movies in general. “Midnight In Paris”, “Lady and the Tramp”, “Lloyd’s of London”, “Jab Tak Hai Jaan”.
- Going home to visit with my relatives.
- Chinese hot pot
- Going to the movie theater
- Creative writing like I did as a kid. No pressure to produce anything great. Just write and tap into that joyful creativity.
- Going to a craft beer brewery
- Getting a massage
- Playing MTG with my cousin and brother
- Playing Kingdom Hearts
- Cooking some comfort food
- A nice road trip with the windows rolled down and no destination in mind.
</ End List>
- Meditate. Look I’m not a crunchy person. But just focusing on box breathing / basic breath work at the end of every day has helped me tremendously. I think everyone should do it. It is physically proven that deep breathing done in the right way physically calms you down.
You can never watch “Naussica and the Valley of the Winds” too many times.
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