I studied German philology for far too long because of sunken cost phalacy, while I had a monotone student job localizing e-learning presentations until I got laid off. Then I took part in a programming bootcamp and have been a Frontend Web developer for the last 4 years.

Recently, I’m feeling a little unsatisfied because I’m very much a jack of all trades, master of none kinda person, and to get further in my field I would have to have a really deep understanding of how things works under the hood, and those abstract things are very hard for me to grasp. Even harder since I had covid two years ago with ensuing brain fog for more than half a year, which still makes it harder to learn new things and keep them in my memory, which is quite sad because I always learned pretty fast…

Now that I have been part of this hamster wheel of corporate bullshit for quite some time I feel that I want to do more creative stuff with programming, as I was always interested in art and making music (which sadly also has declined because of perfectionism and anxiety), and creating visual stuff brings me into the zone where the hours fly by, but adapting some configs or working with abstract data stuff does not.

Should my job get taken by AI I want to do something with my hands, like wood or metal working, or something where I can help people, but let’s see.

On the other hand I should be glad that I have a stable job that pays well and the people there are really nice, but I feel something is missing in my life. I tried to buy happiness and materialism, but somehow I was happier when I had less