Every single man I know tells his version of the same story: You confide in a woman, you tell her something you’re upset about, something you’re insecure about, you open up…and she uses it as a weapon against you the next time she’s angry. She wasn’t offering her support, she was arming herself.

Women talk a big game about wanting men to be more emotional, more vulnerable, more open. They love pretending this about themselves. A man saying emotion words is their favorite TV show, but it seems like it never airs. I’ve had girls throw weird little tantrums because I was frustratingly okay. If there wasn’t anything wrong with me, she was going to BE the thing wrong with me. Then I’ll have to talk about my feelings with her.

…until he actually does. Then it’s time to throw his clothes out the window while screaming about “emotional labor.” She shouldn’t be expected to handle his emotions for him. How dare he burden her in such a way?

Most men have learned this lesson by the time he’s figured out how to have orgasms on purpose. He knows not to open up to a woman the same way he knows not to headbutt a cactus. All it’s going to do is make his whole week suck more.