I wasn’t surprised by the length of the base game, or even by the presence of the post game, but by how much time the game spent ending. You beat the villain, that should be it, right? Lol no, you have to traverse the whole game world without vehicles and no network support. That’s it, right? Lol no, here’s a giant boss monster. That’s it, right? Lol no, here’s a shitload of cutscenes. Then the credits, then cut to black. That’s it, right? Lol no, more cutscenes, then one last delivery… and one last burst of cutscenes, some of which should have come earlier. That’s it, right? Lol almost, you have to watch the credits again, and then one blessedly short cutscene before the postgame, and then you can finally go to the main menu and quit.

I really liked the game, but good lord.

Russian Federation? M-more, more like, like… Russian De-Federation, am I right?

Psst, it’s “err”, not “air”. Pronounced the same.

Pumpkin spice old fashioned. With real pumpkin puree!

Running at the speed of lobsters!

That’s… what Americans do. I live about 1500 miles from my parents, and only use time as a measurement if I’m planning to drive that far, mainly in days.

The banner up top is blue because it looks like denim, right?

After leaving it in my backlog for close to a decade, I finally started playing Fallout 3. Yeah. On a technical level it’s mostly fine, save for some shocking framerate dips and the way it sometimes repeats my movement inputs. Other than that, it’s a pretty good game, particularly for loot whores like myself.

For my part, I’m thinking of carrying a bag full of signs that say “Shame!” that I can put next to the offending excrement. Both to shame whoever’s responsible, but also everyone else can watch their step.

An indie game called OneShot from the Undertale knockoff genre has only one choice that matters, but god damn what a horrible choice, particularly since a child has to make it. And by the way, the game is called OneShot because it’s designed to be played exactly once. If you want to play again, you have to mess with some files to do so.

I didn’t sleep the night after I played that part in MGS5. “We live and die by your orders, Boss” while morosely humming the Peace Walker theme – it’s like Kojima was trying to make the player share Snake’s PTSD.

Good to know. As a man, I think about Rome at least twice a day.

“SMOKE VERIFICATION CIGARETTE”