I would be inclined to think that if you are just renting a machine or VM and all the configuration/maintenance is your problem it would be close enough. But I am not a mod and don’t want to be.

I have a Pfsense router and run HAproxy on it. Most of the services I have run on 3 VMs in a Docker Swarm. HAproxy can point to all three and just uses the first to respond. I think this is what you are going for. I haven’t tested how robust this solution is because my primary motivation was wanting to play with Docker Swarm once I accepted K8s was not worth the effort.

Maybe talk to a couple of people you have an established relationship with that you trust. Explain the behavior in yourself that you want to change and establish a sign they can give when they think you are doing that behavior. Something simple like just holding up a hand in an indication of “stop” as one idea. The goal being that this will help you be aware of when you act this way and you can reflect on why you are doing it in that moment.

This whole idea is based on the premise that things you are aware of you can influence/control. If this doesn’t feel like the right path for you, no worries.

I am no expert, so grains of salt and such. But my assumption is that it’s a marketing expense. They get a lot of people familiar with cloud flare services and some of them later need a professional level solution. So people use what they are already familiar with. This is the same reason why tech companies provide hardware/software to schools for cheap/free.

It will be controlled by Truenas not Proxmox. Truenas can add swap space to each drive automatically: https://www.ixsystems.com/documentation/truenas/11.3-U2.2/storage.html

But you probably already have existing drives so that doesn’t help. This might though: https://wiki.debian.org/Swap

But be aware that Truenas is design to be an appliance and doesn’t really want you tinkering under the hood. So you may have to manually add the SWAP after each boot of TN.

I would guess the best long term fix would be moving services out of the TN VM and into a different VM.

I have TN Scale VM hosted in Proxmox. The only “issue” I have is the webgui gets pushed to SWAP if not used for more than a week. So when I connect it it literally takes a couple minutes while is gets shuffled back into RAM. Once it’s “warmed up” it’s fine. But my Scale VM is doing these things: manage ZFS pools, control NFS/Samba shares, replicate pool snapshots to off-site backup server. It intentionally have it do nothing else. All other services are in different VMs or LXC containers in Proxmox.

Does your Scale install have any SWAP space setup? That should prevent out of memory issues. Potential performance issues would be better than crashing.

Both me and my partner have ADHD. Both of us deal with the things you shared. One of us is more avoidant and one of us is more anxious. Does this create problems and challenging times, yes. But we are both committed to communicating the best we can, growing, and improving. We have been together about 20 years. I think any relationship has a chance when both sides are willing to at least match the effort of the other side.

I can understand the potential problems of trying to define “low-effort post”. In contrast can guidelines be given for a “quality post”. If no guidance on either end is given it may discourage some people from posting anything. Maybe people can contribute what they see as indications of a “quality post”.

I suspect that people may have a hard time integrating what you are telling them because they can’t relate to the experience. I know what I personally do is try to find experiences in my life that help me understand what a person is feeling. Maybe an opportunity to help them work through a similar process will occur to help them “get it”.

I don’t see how it would push manufacturers to do that. I can see how it would make consumers more open to soldered RAM if RAM is so expensive there is no way you are going to upgrade it later. But, I would be interested to get your thoughts as I miss stuff that feels obvious I’m hindsight all the time.

Couples counseling, do it. Worst case scenario things still don’t work out and you divorce with the knowledge that you sincerely tried to repair things. Also you will have learned and grown from the experience. Best case scenario you both work through some difficult things with help and started repairing the relationship.

My guess is that both of you are exhausted. It is really hard to have optimism when don’t even have the energy for things you enjoy.

I wonder if it is masking? You have to spend so much effort masking for other people it is draining. But there are some people you don’t feel to need to mask for so being with them can be relaxing.

Once inside elevation change is not much, but walking up the hill from the road may be challenging for people with disabilities or very out of shape.

Yeah. Basically just acting as a pretty good search engine to find relevant quotes.

Growing up we had a wall clock that played a different bird call for every hour. It had a light sensor so it didn’t make noise when dark. Maybe something like that could work?

Just link them the story of a Dad getting locked out of his Google account after sending a picture of his child to the Doctor as part of remote care.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/aug/22/google-csam-account-blocked

The point being they can fuck up your life on a whim and don’t care about the harm they will cause because your one out of millions.

This is an area where AI can be helpful. Tell the AI what Linux distro your on and what you want to do. Most of the time it will give you pretty good answer. If you don’t understand what it is telling you to do, ask it to explain the thing in detail. Most important thing though is to always verify what it tells you before you run stuff. Google search specific commands or use the “man” command to get documentation. The key thing is the AI can make you aware of CLI commands and tools more easily then trying to find what you need on your own.

I think you are making it more complicated than needed. If you just want reliable service, just figure out who has the most reliable Internet and power and they can host the server. If you want to learn kubernets or docker swarm, you can try that but it will take a ton of upfront work.

Edit: Also get a UPS for the server.

I used anxiety as a adaptive response to my ADHD and learned to use being productive as a self soothing technique. Need motivation to do a task, have anxiety about it. Want to make sure you don’t forget something, just carry constant anxiety about it. The breaking point caused me to develop acid reflux. The improvement was started with HealthyGamerGG videos, which led to getting medication and therapy. This is still a work in progress. Replacing a habit of thought is a process that takes many repetitions.

It can be challenging and the pattern of making goals and not hitting them can be frustrating enough that you just stop trying to make goals. These are some things I find help me get stuff done.

Social pressure keeps me focused very well, so I go to gym classes. Anytime I work out alone it is a struggle to not just bail early. So I will try to integrate social pressure into things that I find important.

Setting standards instead of goals. One example was me wanting to better understand TCP/IP networking. So I set a standard of reading the textbook I had on the topic 30 minutes a day. Some days I did less some days I only read a couple pages due to poor focus. But I just stayed focused on meeting the standard every day. I ended up reading through more than half of a very thick textbook with dense technical information. Way further than I would have otherwise.

Next is to set a priority queue. It’s hard to focus on 10 projects. It is much easier to focus on a single top priority and not worry about the other 9 at all.

Last is be realistic about your limitations. It is easy to set your expectations based on your best days and beat yourself up on your crap days. Also I find my “Best days” are frequently me hyper focusing so hard I have 2 crap days after to recover. Some times it’s not about what you “should do” and more about what you “can do”.