there’s no way to know what an IPA will taste like before you crack it open

That’s why I like brewers that publish their hops. I’m the opposite of you, I live for the citrusy, fruity type of hops and despise the more traditional floral/piney strains. If I see simcoe on the bill I’ll go to bed sober, but if you’ve got Willamette or Cascade I’ll make tea from them.

Nope, just bored to death by the seagulls constantly squawking “THING BAD! THING BAD!”

But of the near-infinite number of things a person dislikes, they only meme about a couple. The Internet loves an easy target…

You see, I always thought that he bought Twitter so that he could have a parallel equivalent to that thing where the president can send a message to every cell phone instantly. You’ll notice that one of the first things he did was make himself block-proof. He still shows up in your feed, even if you blocked him. That was actually what caused me to leave Twitter, though his later decisions have validated that. He’s even floated the idea of getting rid of blocks altogether. He’s slowly making Twitter unpalatable to anyone who isn’t part of his white supremacist genius entrepreneur cult.

At a press conference today, Musk was quoted as saying:

Look at me. Look at me. Please, God, I need people to be paying attention to me and validating me all the time. Ever since I fucked it up with my hot goth gf I’ve been an absolute mess of transparent attempts to remain relevant. I tried to gain your approval by doing what I guessed would be cool guy shit like going on stage with Dave Chappelle and yelling at you small people about how rich I am. I did the meme thing with the fake money and the fun monkey pictures. I spent billions evading your blocks on Twitter. I give up. You don’t have to love me. No one will ever love me. But I need you to always be looking at me.

Musk then produced an acoustic guitar and began to play a cover of Matchbox 20’s “Push”. According to reports, the entrepreneur who used his slave-generated wealth to build a private space program was on the verge of tears and within shouting distance of the key as he sang the line “Don’t just stand there/say nice things to me/cuz I’ve been cheated and I’ve been wronged”.

I can take you to my local beer store in suburban Pittsburgh and show you each style you listed, alongside fruit sours, goses, and a pretty incredible variety of ciders. Pittsburgh is a hard drinking town, but I don’t think our craft beer scene is leaps and bounds ahead of other similarly-sized cities. What that tells me is that the beer you (used to) want is there if you look and that you’re more bitter than the 2x NEIPA that you’re railing against.

Vegans, PSL girls, IPA guys, furries, and anime nerds seem to be the most popular targets for boring, basic memes.

Shi’s bussin

I don’t *heckin’ like it

Boomers: Why don’t you kids go outside and play. When I was your age we played in the dirt for hours at a time.

Also boomers:

Ok but it could be a raspberry pi chilling in someone’s house using utilities they already pay for anyway.