Hickory smoked boner.

A rare turbo pregnancy!

Oh! This one jar that is freakin stuck super bad.

You haven’t lost your virginity until both balls are in.

Lime Green Skittle Script:

(Bond opens the ring)
Bond: Damn. I’ve been…Skittled.
(Bond music opening)
HE HAS A RING.
A LITTLE GOLDEN RING.
FILLED WITH ONE.
AND ONLY ONE.
LIME GREEN SKITTLE.

Sorry Nike, but turn your logo upside down, kick off those sneakers and light up a NEWPORT.

The violent rumbling is actually a relaxing massage.

Non, monsieur. Eye vill not recommend a wine for yur chickon streeps.

It pays off in the moment but then you die to death the next day.

(A girl is born)
Doc: BRING FORWARD THE LARGEST BOW.

We need more militant soup activists.

This is by a wide margin one of the most hard hitting sandwiches to ever play the game.

Some say they’re feisty, but I think they work great as a team.

If someone enjoys something I say let them enjoy it. Seems like an interesting combination but not something I need to go out and try immediately.

You guys said no mustaches! Oh come on!

My cat does this too. I like to walk around and loudly wonder where she has gone off to. Then she’ll happily wiggle her tail moving the curtains back and forth.

The Denny’s waitress rolled her eyes when I asked which wine pairs best with the chicken strips.

Anal is now first base.

You know who we should use as a Jesus model? Jeff in accounting.

Did you know you can just buy these in the store? Like you don’t need a realtor or anything!