So, I’m in a long-term relationship with my loving partner, and everything is good, except for the matters of sex. Suffice it to say, one partner (male) has a very overwhelming sexual drive, while the other (female) needs sex like once a month (and it has always been so throughout life). Partners are monogamous and do not explore options of having a third party.
Can any good advice be derived for such cases? Is there something that can be done to improve things on each side? I would love to hear your advice.
So, here’s the deal with monogamy: when partners insist on monogamy, the implicit corollary is that both necessarily assume full responsibility for their partner’s sexual satisfaction. Too many people overlook the GGG aspect; they want the mental ease of monogamy without putting in the <ahem> hard work.
That’s a lot of words to say: I got nothing to offer that lines up precisely with your question. The partner with lower sex drive invariably gets exactly what they want while the partner with higher sex drive must remain unsatisfied. I have experience on both sides of this issue, and compromise is critical to all interpersonal dynamics.
Empathy by way of anecdote: my partner of eight years (female) wants sex about two to five times per day. I (male) have bandwidth and libido for once, maybe twice, a day. So… she gets a lot of cunnilingus. When she was undergoing chemotherapy, she had vaginal tenderness and dryness that made PIV sex and cunnilingus uncomfortable for her. But she wanted to be there for me. So there was a lot of jerking off in her mouth and using her ass cheeks as a fleshlight.
Much like polyamory/ENM, monogamy requires a lot of Jedi Master level communication. But without the mind tricks.
True; and Jesus Christ, 2-5 times a day is too much even for me lol
We’re working out the options, but the problem is I need to know my partner is genuinely enthusiastic, which is hard when the difference in libido is so big.
But there are attempts on both sides to bridge the gap. I appreciate her efforts and communication.
Also, hoping your partner is doing alright now!
The perimenopause has been brutal on me. :D She’s doing great, thanks, been in remission for two years.
It’s not hot for the other if you clearly aren’t into the sex as well, and they can usually tell. So one person is typically always doomed to suffer.
That is a broad, blanket statement overlooking a constellation of preferences and proclivities. For example: free use, CNC, bored and ignored, to name just a few. Something even more obvious to a person: not getting sex from one’s partner and the lower-drive partner can’t be arsed to do something about it.