• SaituriHiiva@sopuli.xyz
    2611·
    1 year ago

    Could be either, could be a bit of both. Hard to say really. My guess is the last one.

    Now go do your chores, you lazy little hottie.

  • jocanib@lemmy.world
    1742·
    1 year ago

    It’s an actual thing. When it feels more like you have a teenage son than a partner it’s hard to get turned on by them, even if you weren’t already too exhausted from clearing up after them.

    • clockwork_octopus@lemmy.world
      8311·
      1 year ago

      So much this. Working all day is exhausting. So is keeping the house. Having to do both all of the time when you have an able-bodied partner? Gross. No one wants an adult child as a partner.

      Men have no idea just how exhausting it is to have to carry all of that weight. Well, some do, I’m sure. I haven’t met any, personally, but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there.

      Having a partner that is an actual partner gives you the room to breathe and relax. And honestly, that is the real turn on.

      • many_bees@lemmy.world
        441·
        1 year ago

        I’m a man who had to do this. My partner was going through some pretty rough times in grad school, then left school, and had a lot of mental health work to go through. I was trying to be supportive, but we had to have a few conversations where I said that I didn’t find her exactly attractive in the moment because it felt like I was more of a guardian than a partner. It’s gotten a lot better since then, but it can be hard when your partner is going through hard times (or is just lazy, in some cases) and doesn’t see things as you do.

        Everyone needs to put in effort. It doesn’t need to be symmetrical (meaning you don’t have to do all the same things), but it should be approximately equal in terms of effort in both the relationship and your living situation

      • douglasg14b@lemmy.world
        2659·
        1 year ago

        Men have no idea just how exhausting it is to have to carry all of that weight. Well, some do, I’m sure. I haven’t met any, personally

        When did this become about gender politics…?

        But yikes.

        Imagine the horror of I said the same statement but reversed the genders, and the stereotype.

        • jocanib@lemmy.world
          6611·
          1 year ago

          Look, you’re not entirely wrong. But this is a very gendered experience (as in, disproportionately affects women). Of course it happens the other way around, just nowhere near as often. You don’t have to get so fucking defensive about it. This is the world you live in, deal with it.

        • ℕ𝕖𝕞𝕠@midwest.social
          391·
          1 year ago

          This isn’t a stereotype, it’s a well-documented sociological phenomenon. Women typically do the majority of unpaid / organizational labor in a household, even when they work full-time outside the home. And part of why this is such a problem is that this work is often not witnessed or acknowledged by their partners, or even dismissed as “unimportant”.

        • clockwork_octopus@lemmy.world
          271·
          1 year ago

          I know it’s yikes. It felt icky to write it out, but I did because its true. It’s well documented that women are far more likely to be “running the house” even when working full time. So many articles, podcasts, and books have been written about it. There’s even a comic floating around the internet. (https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/)

          https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_an_unfair_division_of_labor_hurts_your_relationship

        • righteous_angst@lemmy.world
          6·
          1 year ago

          Because this is a gendered issue. Although men on average do slightly more paid labor, if you count total labor (both paid and domestic) women work more.

          This has serious consequences for women’s careers and is a major relationship strain that men may not realize is happening.

          Well documented observations are not politics. That’s just fact. How we decide to react to those facts is politics.

  • s6original@lemmy.world
    1242·
    1 year ago

    This could be climate-related. She might mean you’re working too hard and need to cool off. Try to stay hydrated out there because you’re looking hot.

  • Beardwin@lemmy.world
    982·
    1 year ago

    You should read The Five Love Languages. This is an actual thing. Different people express and receive love differently. “Acts of Kindness” is one of them. My partner loves when i do things, and i know this, so i do it because i know it makes her feel loved. And that’s hot.

      • gAlienLifeform@lemmy.world
        171·
        1 year ago

        I actually just listened to that episode yesterday, that whole show is pretty great (also, the one author’s other podcast - 5-4 (“a podcast about how much the supreme court sucks”) - is consistently amazing), but for anybody out there who doesn’t do podcasts and wants a summary,

        tl;dl All the good ideas in it were stolen from other places and the author is a secret fundamentalist who thinks women need to get back in the kitchen and gay people need to get back in the closet. For example, this Q & A article from 2013

        Q: “My son has recently told us that he is gay. I’m having a very hard time dealing with it. How can I help him with this and still show love?”

        Gary Chapman: Disappointment is a common emotion when a parent hears one of their children indicate that he/she is gay. Men and women are made for each other—it is God’s design. Anything other than that is outside of that primary design of God. Now I’m not going to try explain all the ins and outs of homosexuality, but what I will say is this—we love our children no matter what. Express your disappointment and/or your lack of understanding, but make it clear that you love them and that you will continue to love them no matter what. I would also encourage you to ask your child to do some serious reading and/or talk to a counselor to try to understand him/herself better while continuing to affirm your love.

        Also, from this review of the podcast

        For the episode on the book, Shamshiri went back to the original ’90s text, which contains, among other debunked gender stereotypes, an assertion in the “Physical Touch” chapter that men want sex all the time, whereas women need emotional connection for intimacy to be satisfying. (Nowhere in Chapman’s books is any attention paid to the romantic dynamics of queer couples—at one point, Shamshiri jokes that such relationships are “like the female orgasm, not discussed or implied.”) In one chapter, a woman tells Chapman that her husband verbally berates her and refuses counseling. Chapman, in the 1992 version, suggests that the husband’s love language is physical touch and counsels the wife to start initiating sex frequently and more aggressively. When she balks because sex with him makes her feel used and unloved, he advises her to draw upon Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount in order to gather strength. In the anecdote that appears in later editions, Shamshiri mentions, Chapman simply suggests that the wife be more physically affectionate in general. Although the sexual mandate is less explicit there, the idea that sex is a sacrifice that women must endure in heterosexual marriage persists.

        • ABCDE@lemmy.world
          7·
          1 year ago

          tl;dl All the good ideas in it were stolen from other places and the author is a secret fundamentalist who thinks women need to get back in the kitchen and gay people need to get back in the closet. For example, [this Q & A article from 2013]

          I missed this part and was wondering to myself wtf you were on about!

    • starlainjury@lemmy.world
      2·
      1 year ago

      I was hoping someone would bring up love languages! As someone who speaks gift giving and acts of service, when someone does something for me or gives me a truly thoughtful gift for me I adore it. On the other hand if I don’t see those languages spoken, it makes me feel as though I’m not thought about as much as those I love and it can breed resentfulness.

  • FartsWithAnAccent@lemmy.world
    56·
    1 year ago

    Could be real, either way I definitely get laid more when I do stuff around the house. I read a study that basically suggested doing chores helps because it relieves the stress of your partner, freeing them up to feel a little more amorous.

  • Sirence@feddit.de
    503·
    1 year ago

    It’s an actual thing. It’s what ‘providing’ is. Some people think, providing for a partner is bringing home money. But our monkey brain doesn’t even know what money is, since money is a new thing that bears no relevancy in biology.
    Providing is making a good, livable and clean nest for your partner. Makes the monkey brain want to produce offspring to fill the clean nest.

    • Resistentialism@lemmy.world
      5·
      1 year ago

      Gonna go take any, if I even get them, future dates to a car wash and wash eh hell out of cars. Or bring them home and just clean.

      • Sirence@feddit.de
        1·
        1 year ago

        Unironically, maybe not as a first date but a car wash date sounds pretty unique and hilarious enough to make an impression. Just make sure your date does not get bored, so put on an interesting show for them to keep them engaged.

  • Abrslam @sh.itjust.works
    42·
    1 year ago

    Both is the answer. You do look hot doing chores. Also chores done is a turn on. It’s like oysters and chocolate, but your house is tidy and it’s not gross.

  • vlad76@sh.itjust.works
    401·
    1 year ago

    It’s absolutely both. Her “love language” is probably “acts of kindness”. That’s how my wife is. So, she is probably seeing it as an attractive act, and telling you that also makes you do it more often.

  • HaveYouTriedCats@sh.itjust.works
    381·
    1 year ago

    It’s a thing. There’s nothing less attractive than having to play parent to an adult who can’t pull their own weight in managing a household.

    Can’t recognize that a full trash can needs to go out without being told? Can’t realize dishwashers that are full need to be run without reminding? Can’t find where clothes need to go when they’re clean?

    If that workload is falling on one person most of the time, over time it can become a source of resentment.

    When both people have full time jobs, it’s like coming home to a second job.

  • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world
    32·
    1 year ago

    If it is a trick, they’re all in on it. As a joke I sent my wife a picture of me scrubbing the tub without a shirt on.

    Didn’t realize the effect it would have.

    • netvor@lemmy.worldEnglish
      21·
      1 year ago

      Well it worked for Putin…

      He only fished and rode a horse, imagine what would happen if he was scrubbing the tub…