If you haven’t heard this cliche while discussing your neurodivergency with someone, then I envy your luck. Yesterday I fucked up, I feel shitty, but also I am pissed.
Our brains are impulsive af and tend to forget the most important information. We mess up, our RSD (and empathy) kicks in, we feel terrible, we vow to be more careful, but guess what? Thats fucking exhausting.
As a result, we start overthinking our every waking moment, stressing over every little thing. Because, we are trying to be aware of the things we cannot perceive.
At some point, hopefully we realize that we cannot live like that, and we start to arbitrarily ignore our compulsion to overthink. Most often that works out great because most often the threat is not real, but sometimes we make the wrong call.
The times we overthink are still more than the times we do not, and we still mess up. Let us have our fucking peace.
Honestly, I can’t bear to imagine the rest of my life dealing with this. Truly, I’ll never amount to more than scraping by in life, and it’s such a shitty bleak picture. But whatever, I’ve already mourned for the normal life I’ll never lead, and I’ll keep doing my best which isn’t good enough until everything falls apart completely, then I’ll kill myself. Happy Friday!
Go get professional help. This is incredibly disordered thinking.
Not a healthy outlook.
In therapy and on meds, which is why I’m still limping along instead of giving up 👍
Intellectually I don’t think there’s much point to continuing existence, but working on that in therapy and thanks to medication I’m emotionally disconnected from the depressive Bad Thoughts ™️, so I’m still just going until I can’t. The depression can get better but the ADHD can’t really.
So, I might not really want to exist, but I feel apathetic about it generally! 🎉