Neigh? Nay.

Shortwave eroticism.

I honestly think this makes a pretty good fit.

Castlevania’s flashy, ornate aesthetic and over-the-top dramatics could transition nicely to the stage.

Like, imagine the WHAT IS A MAN monologue being belted out from centerstage under a spotlight and accompanied by organ music.

Ahhhhhh…look at all the blonely bleople…

Ugh, don’t get me started on roommates.

Like, once, they got all paranoid about some supernatural nonsense and poured all this salt on the hallway floor, like in a big stupid circle. Right outside of my door.

Total pain in the ass. Like, I refuse to go out there until they clean that shit up. I physically won’t. I don’t care how long it takes or how hungry I get.

Though I can’t remember the last time I felt hunger…hmmm…

Hank Hill voice:

“Just look at it, Bobby. It’s got-dang beautiful, I tell ya h’wat.”

This is the kind of magazine page that 90s-kid-me would stare at for hours fantasizing over. Even looking at it now, it’s surprisingly easy for me to ignore the objective technical limitations and get hyped.

Side note: can we talk about that 1ST PC GUN on the mid-left there? Dude…

This isn’t even my final formal.

Man…remember when we thought that W was as bad as it possibly could get?

Why they changed it, I can’t say…

Pinky, is that you?

starts rhythmic clapping

HO-DEE-HOTEN-DOTEN-DAY, HO-DEE-HOTEN-DAY-O! HO-DEE-HOTEN-DOTEN-DAY…

FATTENING UP OUR TAAAAPE WOOOOORMS!

“Sweet deal.”

37?!?!?

glances into mirror

Oh.

Right.

…Shit.

This feels like a Mitch Hedberg joke.

I know this is a grumpy old man take, but I’ll never get over the fact that they decided to call these dastardly things “hoverboards.”

Blasphemy, says eight year-old me, having just watched Back to the Future: Part II and now obsessed with someday obtaining a floating skateboard.

Take a wild guess…