Cismale here. It varies wildly with mood and available energy.
Happy, horny and ready for release: I can be done and cleaned in 20 minutes.
Cognitive block and need it for the dopamine: prolly 40-60 minutes.
Tired but happy after a weekend hiking or similar: 90-240 minutes.
Depressed: 2-6 hrs.
Indulging myself for full satisfaction: 2-4 hours. Maybe with another one, 20-90 minutes, depending on mood.
This is so weird to me, but sure, customs differ.
Around here kids today have penetrative sex from 12-13 years of age, would you rather they do in school bathrooms, back alleys, bushes, or somewhere clean and safe where they can also get help from a trusted adult if something goes wrong?
How did it go?
Thank you for your comment, and the thought and care behind your words <3
I’m not at all struggling with neither relationship nor my sexuality in it. And I agree completely with your comments on relationships and us becoming and enjoying different things in different relationships. It’s been an unexpected, but pleasant and unproblematic discovery of something that has never before caught my interest.
My exploration is from a place of abundance, where I in my unexpected gain of perspective thought of all the other perspectives I could have blinded myself to, and thought it might be a good project to clear out old and stale ideas across the sexual board.
From a sexpositive rando: the number doesn’t matter. You having a good time, good relationships, and good life is the only thing that matters. Sex and a healthy sexuality is an important part of all of those, number of partners is not.
And conversely, don’t let your good life be limited by poorly fitting partners or norms. Some compromise might be justified, but will never be sustainable. Find where and how you thrive and get as much of it as possible in your life. Regardless if it’s an orgy a week, regular emotionally intimate sex with a domestic partner, moresomes, self sex or whatever else that rocks your boat.
I decided to stop counting when I hit the national average, that was a while back.
I didn’t think to give much of a fuck about history of sexual experiences until recently, but having met a partner with significantly less experience it’s become obvious that sex gets better with practice and reflection.
In BDSM you can make sex homework sexy and hot, good thing too, as remedial sex is… let’s say predictable.
I’m not old enough to get the full connotations of wanker. But my understanding of gooner is a brainrot version of obsessive escapist self pleasurer.
Masturbating to numb yourself, enjoying the process, don’t cum (as it would give pause), just goon, give in to the hunt for pleasure, let it consume you, let everything else go, just goon, be the gooner… etc.
The way I encounter it there’s also a tint of self destructive dissonance to it, where the gooner is aware that gooning is self destructive and should be doing it harder to escape those thoughts. Sometimes there’s also a humiliation or power play on that same theme, although mostly in already related settings (femdom, sissyfication, humiliation typically)
Can be a fun edge to explore in bdsm play tbh, many layers to pick apart with a lot of emotional stress in between, and easily sexualised. Ripe for release!
I was always fond of “Pony”
Good point, I do enjoy hypnoplay, but here it was mostly to keep narration that can be followed in text.
In real life, I don’t necessarily use the patter rhythm (although that can also be fun), but the progression is about similar.
This is surprisingly common among D-types, and actually mostly takes a little practice to find your entry into it.
First of all: What you say matters much less than how you say it. I have been spouting nonsense, trivia, lecturing popscience with great effect.
How you say it will have to be tailored to you. Use mannerisms, modes and phrases as you please, it is partly conveying your dominance that you choose (power of agency), and also the simplest way to keep communicating clearly.
Also, you’ll want to find how the words complement your actions. I’m thinking that you’re used to using words in tandem with your other implements, and just need to broaden your repertoire. Start easy: use one thing less, introduce one new thing, or do it with grabbing/slapping/spanking interweaved between your comfortable combos.
For me, dominance is about keeping the initiative, supporting submissive behaviors, and rewarding good behaviour. One favorite game is thus to create a setting where it’s easy for my sub to service, like with some posture training, certain rope play, showing off, etc. I then make sure to keep them off balance enough that I still get to call the shots. “Arms higher, eyes down, chest out and breathe deeply for me, let me see that body move, dance, for me. What a lovely little body, and capable of so much pleasure as well. Arms higher! Don’t make me correct you again, it will be far less pleasant…”, and of course when they behave they get “good pet”, strokes and orgasms as appropriate.
As they surrender/space, they won’t be paying much attention to the actual words, and I can modulate my voice to say almost anything, and then just change it when I want them to pay attention.
This is loads of fun with brats, they often come up with rebellious ideas, and when talking like it’s easy to have them lose track, and eventually agree to the opposite of their point, or for even more fun, to agree that I pervert it into something they didn’t actually want. “Oh you want to escape from the ropes now? wWell, you should really have said so earlier, so that I could plan a proper rope session safe enough for you to struggle in, now I have to do all this extra work to make sure nothing risks slipping in a dangerous way, taking me out of my flow, and also not giving me a proper chance to RACK the session. I think the only way we’re going to have this work is if I get to watch very closely, so that I can interrupt if something dangerous happens. Now, how would we go about making sure you notice me while you’re struggling? I’m thinking we’re gonna need something that makes a noise, and physical sensation enough for you to notice, don’t you agree? Good thing I have this cane handy here, I’ll also need to make sure nothing is too tight or has restricted blood flow, so I’ll also be poking you with the cane from time to time to make sure. And as I’m going through all this trouble for you, you’ll have to do something for me as well, that’s only fair no? How about you show me some appreciation for all this extra work, how about you continuously praise me for being such a generous, caring and nice dom? At least until you’ve broken free.”
In that barrage of semiplausible phrases, you can easily substitute any activity (maybe you get to spit in their mouth to gauge if they’re still OK? Or get to tickle them? Or use a rolled up newspaper? Or have appreciation breaks with praise and/or oral pleasure?)
There are countless ways to communicate, so what works for you may differ, and that is as should be.
<3
Vanilla-as-kink is just what it sounds like: fetishising normative sex.
I’m not partaking myself, but I’d be willing to use it as part of a sadism play.
“I’m gonna tie you up and tease you within an inch of your life, and when you’re begging, screaming for more I’ll untie you and caress you softly… I’m going to kiss you twice, I’m going to penetrate you and cum inside you in just a couple thrusts, leaving you like that, utterly dissatisfied, and fall asleep next to you while you stew in your frustrations…”
“What are you gonna do to me tonight? I’m going to have us share a bottle of wine, grope you in front of the TV, I’m gonna drag you to the bedroom and fuck you, missionary style, with a semi stiff penis. You’re gonna smell the wine on my breath, my clumsy movements and flop under my mechanical thrusting, lulled by my meek grunts until I give up and fall down beside you, turning my back to you and fall asleep… snoring loudly.”
Or whatever vanilla folks do, I might’ve lost touch. There seems to be a lot of pent up frustration in those turning to the kinkier side though.
I would suggest they go to a play party, or just read more.
Loads of things inspire lust! Find that kernel, explore it in fantasy and use that openness/non-taboo to express what it is and/or how you’d like to explore it.
Anything can be a fun kink: silk ties, mirrors, feeding/getting fed, anonymous sex, fucking on the bonnet/hood of a vintage car on a countryside drive just before rain in early autumn, vanilla-as-kink, etc.
That’s the lovely thing about kinks, it’s just about being curious and open to explore what fancy comes to you. Some are keepers, some are best as fantasies, some aren’t logistically feasible, some aren’t timed right and some you just get bored of after a while.
Sure, but less pejorative and less male gaze centric :P
That’s not a very charitable way to interpret their statement.
It might be true, which indeed would be problematic, but it could also be the clearest example/stereotype/cultural signalling.
Something like not all sluts present that way, but people presenting that way might want to be interpreted as sluts.
Nuance in text is hard, we don’t have to make it harder by assuming the worse interpretation.
Smoking hot! Looking forward to many future ones!
Nope, nothing here that you don’t bring yourself.