So I’ve basically been kinky my whole sexual life (from pre-pubescent), but have recently appreciated some almost vanilla sex with a partner.
This raised quite a few questions about how and why I appreciate things, and I’m thinking maybe I should lean into having a sexual mid-life crisis and rejigger and widen where and how I take pleasure. Can’t ever enjoy pleasure too much, right?
How did you go about discovering what you enjoy?
For anyone having put conscious effort into it, what did you do? What are some helpful resources you’d recommend?
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It honestly sounds like you’re overthinking it to me. Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but any relationship always needs a conscious effort put into it to be successful.
Vanilla relationships, at their core, are the same as bdsm ones, albeit usually people aren’t as aware of it and it happens a bit more naturally because they’re based on preconceived social notions. All relationships differ depending on the people in them though. Some are vanilla but still adhere to strong power dynamics(most typically along gender or religious lines) and some are far more egalitarian. What yours looks like will be personal to you and your partner(s) and nobody else can tell you the shape that may take.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you’ve reached a concensus with your partner and it just happens to be different from your usual expectations as you knew them but that overall you’re happy with the outcome. If this is the case, then just enjoy it for what it is and don’t think about it as much would be my advice - just accept it for what it is and enjoy spending time with your partner. If this isn’t the case, what are some of your specific struggles? Are they purely adjusting to vanilla sex?
Thank you for your comment, and the thought and care behind your words <3
I’m not at all struggling with neither relationship nor my sexuality in it. And I agree completely with your comments on relationships and us becoming and enjoying different things in different relationships. It’s been an unexpected, but pleasant and unproblematic discovery of something that has never before caught my interest.
My exploration is from a place of abundance, where I in my unexpected gain of perspective thought of all the other perspectives I could have blinded myself to, and thought it might be a good project to clear out old and stale ideas across the sexual board.
I got regenerated doing foursome swaps with my GF. If you can separate the act of physical sex from emotion it’s lots of fun. You get to fuck other people with no guilt and you will get hot watching your partner being fucked by someone else. Fucking is just a fun activity like playing tennis. Loving and caring for your partner is on a different level
