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I hope that some day, you’re able to be a part of a community where it feels safe to be maximally weird
This was me for years. I probably have undiagnosed autism. But I’ve learnt the rules for most interactions now and know how to appear normal, how much eye contact is ok, what to make my face do, etc.
I do slip up sometimes, and I do wish I could be me around people more.
We all need to be more comfortable with being less normaler