Be an adult, use your words, don’t expect mind reading, or assume that you can.
EDIT:
Also… what are the actual bounds of ‘initiating sex’?
Do you mean… requesting penetrative insertion, by means of fondling the involved area, as foreplay, to be later uh, made more mechanically involved?
Or… is fondling genetalia itself, sex?
A guy can come from a hand job, a gal can come from being fingered.
If thats the case, thats what you mean… then sex has arguably, definitionally, already commenced.
I guess you also didn’t specify what part is being fondled under the pants.
Generally, I’d say any under the pants action is a pretty clear sexual act, but othet people may not agree with that, to some extent.
Maybe grabbing a cupfull of ass is significantly different to a handful of cock or kitty, to some people.
Maybe tracing a line just barely under the pants, near the genitals, but not actually touching them… maybe that constitutes an actual sexual act, maybe its foreplay, maybe its nothing, for different people.
There are so many potential variables and things that people take for granted that each detail just works the same way for everybody, without actually explicitly discussing…
You have to actually use words, and stop being cutesy or embrarassed or forcefully assertive without words.
If I bump into you in a crowd, and accidentally or intentionally quickly grope you, well, maybe thats a kind of sexual assault, or maybe its a genuine accident.
But if I grab hold and don’t let go, untill you climax… well, thats different.
Surely you can see, consent or nonconsent aside, that the consistent amount of time dedicated to a, or a combination of sexual acts, at some point, it crosses over into a threshold and is now ‘having sex’ or ‘fucking’ or… whatever verb variant of ‘fucking’ thats more specific to the kind of fucking, ‘fingering’, ‘blowing’, ‘eating out’, etc.
Or, maybe I’m being way too autistic, and you’re just making a pithy joke?
I’ve dated a significant amount of different kinds of people.
… Some people, sure, they can be pleased sexually, but in general? As a person, in a relationship?
No, they have massive insecurities, and try to train you into basically being a scape goat or emotional or financial dumpster for all of them… its not possible to please such people in that sense, because they are too broken to be able to love, and either too cowardly or proud to realize that… they are their own problem, and they are the only ones who even have a chance of fixing it.
… I hope that you are not that kind of repressed, by that kind of person, who can never take accountability for their own actions or inactions, and instead blames them all on someone they act like they own, not love.
If you are… you’re better than that, and you’re better than them.
I mean, thank you. I’m a dude just to be sure, I assume you are too. I have no experience in that, I was asexual till 28 basically, a prude. Now I whore out for free lol.
I mean, I’m not selfish, you can oogle my posts if you want anyway, it does not hurt me, although there is not much to see.
Sorry you had such partners, you seem pretty chill.
Probably?
As always with sex: Communication is key.
Be an adult, use your words, don’t expect mind reading, or assume that you can.
EDIT:
Also… what are the actual bounds of ‘initiating sex’?
Do you mean… requesting penetrative insertion, by means of fondling the involved area, as foreplay, to be later uh, made more mechanically involved?
Or… is fondling genetalia itself, sex?
A guy can come from a hand job, a gal can come from being fingered.
If thats the case, thats what you mean… then sex has arguably, definitionally, already commenced.
I guess you also didn’t specify what part is being fondled under the pants.
Generally, I’d say any under the pants action is a pretty clear sexual act, but othet people may not agree with that, to some extent.
Maybe grabbing a cupfull of ass is significantly different to a handful of cock or kitty, to some people.
Maybe tracing a line just barely under the pants, near the genitals, but not actually touching them… maybe that constitutes an actual sexual act, maybe its foreplay, maybe its nothing, for different people.
There are so many potential variables and things that people take for granted that each detail just works the same way for everybody, without actually explicitly discussing…
You have to actually use words, and stop being cutesy or embrarassed or forcefully assertive without words.
That moment when you accidentally have sex with someone, by bumping into their crotch with your hand.
… What are you trying to say, exactly?
‘Having sex’ is different than ‘a sexual act’.
If I bump into you in a crowd, and accidentally or intentionally quickly grope you, well, maybe thats a kind of sexual assault, or maybe its a genuine accident.
But if I grab hold and don’t let go, untill you climax… well, thats different.
Surely you can see, consent or nonconsent aside, that the consistent amount of time dedicated to a, or a combination of sexual acts, at some point, it crosses over into a threshold and is now ‘having sex’ or ‘fucking’ or… whatever verb variant of ‘fucking’ thats more specific to the kind of fucking, ‘fingering’, ‘blowing’, ‘eating out’, etc.
Or, maybe I’m being way too autistic, and you’re just making a pithy joke?
Yes, it was supposed to be some sort of joke 😞
Ah.
… having sex and meta-concepts around sex as a kind of autistic hyperfocus… can lead to some strangeness.
I didn’t mean to totally dress you down for no reason, I tend to overanalyze.
On the other hand…
👉👈
…perhaps you would be amenable to another kind of being dressed down, as an apology for my misplaced analytical zealotry?
I can be gentle.
=P
I really, really appreciate it, and would love to offer myself up normaly.
But I thought about it before, and sadly, it turned out I’m def not gay 😅
I envy you people who have all those options, and who can please anyone!
Well hey, no harm done, no offense taken!
Take it as a kind of awkward compliment then =P
… I wouldn’t say that I can please anyone though.
I’ve dated a significant amount of different kinds of people.
… Some people, sure, they can be pleased sexually, but in general? As a person, in a relationship?
No, they have massive insecurities, and try to train you into basically being a scape goat or emotional or financial dumpster for all of them… its not possible to please such people in that sense, because they are too broken to be able to love, and either too cowardly or proud to realize that… they are their own problem, and they are the only ones who even have a chance of fixing it.
… I hope that you are not that kind of repressed, by that kind of person, who can never take accountability for their own actions or inactions, and instead blames them all on someone they act like they own, not love.
If you are… you’re better than that, and you’re better than them.
You just have to believe it, and know it.
I mean, thank you. I’m a dude just to be sure, I assume you are too. I have no experience in that, I was asexual till 28 basically, a prude. Now I whore out for free lol.
I mean, I’m not selfish, you can oogle my posts if you want anyway, it does not hurt me, although there is not much to see.
Sorry you had such partners, you seem pretty chill.
Hah, yeah, I am most of the time, when my PTSD isn’t being triggered lol.