I would like to add a description (details), but it would be a very long text.
In short: I have depression, multiple chronic illnesses, C-PTSD, ADHD (btw, I could treat it with Adderall/Adderall XL, but there all drugs are banned, even for medical purposes), no money to rent on my own, poor physical and mental health, some basic things I don’t have money for, I don’t have a computer and it seems that my laptop will soon broken…
I can’t go to a psychologist because… the quality of education and medicine in this country is terrible, and it’s dangerous to say “everything” here, my mother recently worked, but now she’s left without work and starts doing some kind of crap, she was the one who brought in the income until this time; she feeds me fast food. In this country everyone doesn’t give a sh*t about each other, I am surrounded by “broken” people, this is a country full of cynics, sociopaths, and narcissists (consider mentally ill… and genetically defective, apparently).
Like this… I am spoiled, my life and my future are spoiled.
…the army of my moronic country has killed thousands of peaceful Ukrainian civilians, foreign media have been writing for a whole year that this country wants to start a war with NATO in 2025.
I’m really sorry, I don’t know what to do… I constantly live in stress, anxiety, with a feeling of hopelessness, depression, I’m procrastinate a lot…
Normal people, in principle, do not live in this country. My mother does not consider me to be a person, as, in principle, most ruSSians (these mad dogs) treat each other.
Your English language is excellent, is that something you can use to your benefit? Think teaching, translation, document services
Guys, I can understand pretty well what is said in the text in English, but I am not good at listening and speaking English. I can form sentences a little, but I sometimes make serious mistakes, such as putting the tense wrong.
I used an online translator to write the text in this thread.
English is notoriously one of the hardest languages to learn. Don’t worry about getting the tenses wrong. People do that all the time who are conversationally fluent speaking English as a second language. Any native English speaker won’t be phased by it, and can easily tell what you’re saying.
If someone said they maked a mistake, I wouldn’t be confused. If someone said “I was going to the mall yesterday” any native English speaker would know that you meant “I went to the mall yesterday.”
Consider that your mental health situation might be giving you some tunnel vision making it easy to rule out viable paths forward. Honestly, if you can read and understand this response, I would say you are generally fluent. At least with reading and writing.
When mental health is flaring negatively, we have a severe negative attention bias. When things are bad enough, someone could give you the actual perfect solution, and a depressed brain will latch on to the small details that make it sound not so good, and rule it out to be not viable. This is just something that anyone struggling with mental health needs to become aware of.
I believe “I was going to the mall yesterday” is perfectly grammatical. It’s in the past continuous tense, if I’m not mistaken, and it would generally be used to describe something we were doing when something else happened.
Replace “going” with “walking”, and you have the first sentence in someone’s story about, say, the dinosaur attack they witnessed on the way to the mall.
Since I was a kid, I was always told that English is one of the easiest languages to learn. I learned it primarily from movies, shows and videogames. School wasn’t very helpful in that regard. My usage of the language is almost exclusively for listening and reading, I speak in it very sparsely. Nobody in my vicinity uses it. So I wouldn’t consider myself to be fluent because I have no idea how my conversation with native speaker would go. If I catch myself, I try to think in it every chance I get.
I agree that English is the easiest language, there are fewer rules than in Russian. And the difficult ones, it seems to me, are Arabic and Chinese
English can be difficult for western Europeans because it is the mutant child of both Germanic and Latin based languages that picks and chooses which words and rules to use at random.
Every (almost) language uses words and rules at random compared to what you grew up in. It’s jist how human brain works IMO.
I’ve messed with Spanish, Italian, German, and Swahili. It is not my opinion that these languages are more difficult to learn than English, even with the reduced pronouns and gendered nouns.
I think you’re doing great.
If you can learn how to code, you could maybe work as a remote programmer and make enough money to leave that hell hole.
I will, of course, try to gain skills (for example, programming), but again it is difficult due to poor mental health
Of course, it must be really hard to focus on that when you don’t feel you have basic life security even.
You know, what’s funny… even if I have money and skills, I won’t be able to leave here, because before the age of 30 (it used to be up to 27 years old) you need to have a military ID in order to (not only work officially, but also) from here leave, but even those who served in the army are still sent to the military registration and enlistment office at the border. And this is not surprising, because in this fucking country there is no justice, no respect for human rights, nothing… even if the military registration and enlistment office says that you can cross the border, often in Russian “jurisprudence” it turns out that these government bodies can redirect you back and forth ad infinitum, it’s just a mockery… If you don’t have a military ID or you do anyway, then by contacting government agencies, you attract attention (like criminals, no wonder, right?) to yourself; and during mobilization, it seems that only those over 60+ can leave the country
There is still uncertainty with mobilization, that is, the door to your apartment can be hidden at any moment and dragged to the military registration and enlistment office by force. It would be possible to hide from mobilization, but in order to hide from mobilization I need to hide in the forest or in the village, but firstly, I don’t have money, and in the village the products will be of lower quality (even if there are some shops there) , the shops will be unreliable and the prices will be high, other people who live in this village may hand me over to the police; there are no houses anywhere in the forest (nowhere to live), nowhere to buy food, maniacs may be encountered or I can be eaten by bears.
Reading all this seems so unreal to me, since I’m in Sweden. It’s like you are living in hell, while I’m in heaven. Sweden has a lot of immigration and of course I understand that when I read stories such as yours.
I’m really sorry that you got born in that country. I was just lucky to get born in this one. It seems like most countries on the planet are pretty bad places. Western and Northern Europe seems to be the best countries.
Hang in there and dont give up hope, even though I know that is easy to say and hard to do.
At first I thought that “developing” countries were “so what? You can still somehow correct the situation and live”… but now I realized that there is simply a gigantic gap between poor and rich countries.
I used to have a bad opinion of some Western countries (not because of RuSSian propaganda, but because of my own thoughts/beliefs), but now I would live in any Western country, not a “developing” one.
Another thing that makes me “cry” is that the West, of course, has its own problems, but these are modern problems of modern society, problems of the 21st century.
But living in RuSSia, my faith in humanity was fading every day (and, which is beneficial for Pootin, toxicity and bitterness were growing) and I began to ask questions, such as: why do we need a state, lawyers, jurists and laws, when the fucking level life is as if you are the first person on the planet who doesn’t know (who doesn’t care) about technology, who doesn’t have clothes and the main thing for him is to find a piece of “bread” in order to survive.
I think you should try to get to Sweden if you can, or Norway which is even better (even richer). Life is good/safe here, even if you only have a basic job.
If there is a war, maybe not so much, but I doubt northern countries gets attacked.
You Europeans underestimate Pootin. Your countries are also ready now (with Poland, at least), and this is the right decision.
By the way, considering the problem with climate change at this time, Pootin was happy to cause mischief in this regard as well.
TG channel Идите лесом doesn’t report a lot of the cases when persons couldn’t leave. We both know how it’s not exactly an air-tight system on all of it’s levels. That’s the reason we’ve came to this and sometimes it works in our favor.
Since you are scarried to shits by the voenkom, I’d suggest to get all papers about your illnesses. One plus chance that can work in the end. And just don’t go anywhere if you are warned, stop at any logical step of that process. Have contacts to call volounteering lawyers at yourself at all times. Some even suggest to carry a signed AGS paper, or to make any woman your representative, but I’m yet to do so.
That fear had me by my balls too. I just got used to it. It’d probably be worse for them if they waste all that energy to pack me up and to delegate me with any role, or even a gun, when I’d know I wouldn’t survive it anyway. Once again, try to see the best in the worst. Be a fucking problem.
… yikes. That must be hell.
You speak fluent English, any markets for that kind of skill in that area? Could teach maybe?
Unfortunately, the time-honored tradition for people in your situation is to keep your head down, keep quiet and be careful. I imagine you probably already knew that though.
They do, it’s just that like you they’ve learnt to be careful about what they say, and to be selfish because they need to survive.
Or they once cared, but life ground them down, so they sought escape in alcohol or whatever. Obviously, this is by design. If people were open about being unhappy about their country, this would threaten the government. Not that this helps, but maybe it’ll help you feel less alone.
I can’t help you with work, but reading, tv, gaming and podcasts can be a great help when you don’t have access to mental health services.
Fiction allows you an escape from your daily reality. English language fiction allows you to learn the language Non-fiction allow you to work on your issues. Not as good as therapy, but better than nothing. If concentrating on long texts is a problem, try listening to audiobooks.
Eg. a good book about PTSD is The Body Keeps the Score.
Oh, and obviously get a VPN and pirate everything, even if it’s for your own safety.
I smiled reading your comment.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I already use a VPN, but piracy is bad tho
The book you recommended is about PTSD, but not a C-PTSD, so I think if it’s make sense…
I’m a trauma therapist, The Body Keeps the Score is very good for C-PTSD. You should also read Gabor Mate’s books and watch his interview with Tim Ferris on YouTube. It’s called Dr Gabor Mate on trauma, addiction, Ayahuasca and more. Read Richard Schwartz work around Internal Family Systems Therapy. He did an amazing interview with Rich Roll called Multiplicity of the Mind.
There’s a lot of really good content online if you can’t access a therapist. You want to start with making sure you can self regulate and self soothe and build from there. Somatic exercises will help you.