How can we secure a solar eclipse induced apocalypse next time? More virgin sacrifices? Less? Virgins are quite abundant these days. We could go either way…
Check it out - we drill a huge hole through the moon, and put a giant magnifying glass in it. Then, next time there’s an eclipse…
Makes me think, do we have eyes on the dark side of the moon right now? What’s stopping aliens from just squatting there without us knowing?
Land lords hate this one simple trick
There is a decade old documentary about this exact thing happening.
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So many goddamn lens flares. I always thought that was just a meme, but damn.
It’s not dark, we just can’t see it from Earth. And yes, its fully mapped out.
Not enough cow bell
I’ve got a fever…
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There was an eclipse? Didn’t even know since there weren’t any news of it being on my part of the world.
Guess it first need to be worlwide to create an apocalypse,
I saw a bunch of memes about eclipses and concluded there was probably one happening somewhere
It was visible in large parts of North America.
I’m not even on that side of the earth.
Earth doesn’t have sides, it’s spherical.
Earth is spherical yes, but we as humans divided it into side to be able to differentiate it easilly where we are relatively to one another.
So relatively, america is on the another side of earth compared to me, or 180 degrees far on the sphere
The antipode of America is the Indian ocean. Do you live in the Kergulean Islands? That’s the only land that is 180 degrees from somewhere in America.
If you want to tell me where you are specifically, I can tell you the exact antipode… but it’s often just somewhere in the ocean… lots of water here.
Croatia
It says your antipodal point is in the ocean, sort of between the south and south pacific ocean. Nearest landmass is Chatham Islands, New Zealand… although it seems like quite the swim.
Antipode coordinates: -45.814, -164.022
Antipode finder. It’s actually kind of fun to play around with, you realize how much darn ocean there is haha.
…Is it possible that when the ancient tome calls for virgin sacrifices it’s talking about sacrifices by and not of?
Sigh
I’ll go get more virgins…
Keep them separated this time. You know what happens.
Either way it’s a win-win for the virgins.
They’re so ignorant that they thought that the eclipse was global and believed that it was the beginning of the biblical 3 days of total darkness that signaled the end of the world. They are so fucking horny for the end of the world and their presumed admission to heaven that they see the end everywhere and are actively trying to bring it about. That’s why they want to start a race war, and a war with Russia, and… they’re trying to CAUSE the end of the world so that they can go to heaven.
I like to think of Jesus chasing them around and around the pearly gates with a whip. Biblically speaking, it’s not out of the question.
That any of those people believe that they are Christians when they don’t follow the letter and spirit of the teachings of Jesus Christ is utterly baffling.
What happens to the people who actually believed this? Imagine someone quitting their job because “the world is ending on Monday.” They tell all their friends and family goodbye. They stop paying bills. Then Monday rolls around and…they’re still here. Now what? Do they go beg for their job back? How do they face their friends and family again? It sounds so embarrassing.
According to my friend, it happened, the world ended. Now you may be wondering how I could even have this chat with him if the world ended. Not to worry, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation…
I am not me, and he went into a different universe when the previous world had collapsed. Apparently I wasn’t so lucky, nor any of the other 8.1 Billion souls. Only he got to come here, because his original self was already dead. How I wouldn’t have remembered him dying and doing a Jesus, is beyond me…
This all leads me to the conclusion that my friend stopped taking his meds and has been binging rick and morty again.
Sorry to hear your friend stopped taking his meds. Medicine non-compliance is a big problem :(
So it’s just excuses and more made up nonsense to try and justify their existence. Mental instability is wild.
There was a great photo of a guy who bought into the Mayan calendar bullshit in 2012 (I think?). He’d given away or sold his home and all his stuff. In the photo, he was checking his watch while young people next to him were laughing. I imagine his life was ruined.
But some cults just keep pushing the date back. See Millerites in USA:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dates_predicted_for_apocalyptic_events
Ooo, I’ll get to live through 3 more ends of the world! Excellent. That was a wild read, thanks for the links.
They’ll move on to the next conspiracy not having learned a bit from their stupid decisions… And the society they hate will continue to provide for them
I just imagine someone trying to get their job back and their former boss laughing in their face. Maybe this is how some people become homeless (because I presume they are mentally unstable to begin with).
I wonder if there are still people living in their underground bunker believing they are the only one that survived 2000 or 2012
That would like a Blast from the Past
The people that do that dont typically have jobs nor pay their own bills since they livein an environment that allows them enough free time to absorb and spread such conspiratorial material
How can we secure a solar eclipse induced apocalypse next time?
Nuke the moon real hard, duh
“Operation Rapture420”
Ah, the Skaven solution.
[nsfw] There’s an old joke that’s surprisingly appropriate.
Lucky Pierre has to get out of Paris, so he signs on a tramp steamer. In order to make the most money, the captain refuses to spend the night in any port. The ship unloads and sails out without anyone getting a chance to enjoy themselves. After a month, Pierre is going nuts. He talks to the bos’n. He leads Pierre down to the filthiest part of the hold and points him at a steel drum welded to the deck. “Just stick it in there.”
Pierre is skeptical, but also desperate. He places his organ in the hole in the barrel and feels a hot mouth on his member.
Well, Pierre makes up for lost time. He’s in the hold five or six times a day for the next week. Then one day he sticks it in but nothing happens. He goes to the bos’n to see what’s going on.
“Guess that means it’s your turn in the barrel.”
So, if you want a virgin sacrifice, just climb in the barrel.
I kid.
If my sources are correct, we didn’t use enough aether crystals to summon Ifrit, Lord of the Inferno. My source is Final Fantasy btw.
No this was an eclipse, common mistake. An apocalypse is an archaic term for a chemist or pharmacist.
No no, that’s an apothacary. An apocalypse is the little dash used to create compund words.
Sorry, but um, actually, that’s a hyphen. An apocalypse is the goddess from Pirates of the Carribean who is in love with Davy Jones.
(okay I know this is a joke thread and I shouldn’t take any of it seriously but the fact you didn’t pick up on “apostrophy” is bugging the hell out of me)
Apostrophes create contractions, hyphens create compounds.
Wait… I know you’re referring to Keira Knightly, but wasn’t she in love with his son?
I was totally wrong earlier, apocalypse is a style of rhythmic Caribbean music from Trinidad and Tobago. Maybe OP was hoping for some soulful apocalyptic music during the eclispe.
I don’t remember all the signs from Revelations, but I’m pretty sure one of them is seven trumpets playing as the sky gets their fuckery on. We obviously needed more brass bands playing. I think these guys could bring on the end times next eclipse.
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Insufficient orgies. We need more of them, and bigger ones.
The eclipse was supposed to be apocalyptic? I missed the memo this time. We seem to collect those things like they’re Pokemon.
Haven’t you seen Apocalypto, you use the eclipse to control the masses by saying they have to listen to you because you know what the gods want
Knowledge is power
You have to completely unplug the sun. You can’t just walk in front of it Richard.
FFSWhat did we do wrong?
We had the world running on Linux and somehow chose an Nvidia driver with ZERO problems.
