self-cleaning/pyrolytic oven on wheels
creep cremator
Disposable too
Cremation is a new feature. It’ll be an extra $2500 and comes with a decision engine on whether you should live or die (door unlocking). Tesla knows, trust Elon.
its also a 100k coffin with a built in charcuterie machine, that can slice VENISON in half.
I can’t fathom having my husband burn to death so badly that he’s just … evaporated. But then again I can’t imagine my husband ever wanting a cybercuck so there’s also that.
I can’t imagine my husband.
I can’t imagine
I can’t
I
My wife and I are in need of a truck since we moved to a rural area and need one for stuff like trash disposal and whatnot. We’ve decided to get something practical like a hundai santafe or honda ridgeline
Comment of the week right here Username makes it even better
Do either of those evaporate your bones?
Sadly, no
FFS, design standards exist for a reason. Quit trying to reinvent the wheel, or car doors as it is here.
How in the fuck did a truck without a manual override for exiting the vehicle ever make it to market? Everything is broken.
The cybertruck actually burns so hot it destroys your soul. No afterlife for you!
Yeah, that happens at purchase.
He says the trucks are “apocalypse-proof” and claims they can withstand bullets and have “armor glass” windows.
They also withstand emergency responders and the occupant’s attempts to escape.
Chances of you experiencing the apocalypse - Zero
Chances you will get trapped in an Cybercuck and be unable to get out - Not zero
And the apocalypse will have working charging stations.
Will a tesla even start if the internet is down?
Elon is building both the “apocalypse-proof” (they are not) truck and the apocalypse (he really is)
When they say “apocalypse-proof”, what they actually mean is that the pedestrians outside are protected from the localised internal apocalypse occurring within the vehicle.
Let’s face face it. The most likely apocalypse is an economic crash brought on by the kind of crop of idiots. Not sure how a car is going to help with that.
He meant apocalypse proof from the INSIDE, duh ! If all hell breaks loose inside, it won’t get out, and neither will you !
Sounds like a great way to fake your death. The only problem is that everyone will think you died driving a Tesla.
Good point. Back to the drawing board.
No one’s going to believe a drawing board disappeared a body.
Ehhh, you’d be surprised what the modern drawing board can do.
I present you the drAIwing board, our latest break through!
It… also costs
100kEdit: sorry, sorry, 70k — much better
I mean if you’re faking your death I don’t think you’re planning on paying off the loan
Yeah, I guess that’s true
you’re right. no one would believe that
Or dispose of evidence.
Or BOTH !
Well, see, that’s what you get for being a poor.
Solution is simple, you must buy the optional $700 Cyberhammer to bash out the glass (not a joke, there really is a cyber hammer for $700).
Elon’s got it all figured out, 8D chess losers
Wasn’t the point that the cyber hammer couldn’t hurt the truck?
“We’ll fix it in post, haha” says Musk at the end. What a smug prick.
I’ve taken a couple uber rides in a Tesla and I wish they’d give you the option to select NOT THAT. I just stared at the stupid door button the whole time
The Ford Pinto wishes it was this deadly…
I daily a Fiero and don’t think even at its worst point people burned inside trapped without handles.
I kinda love the Fiero tbh
Oh same, but they are not well built and the iron duke is shit. I have to have 3 of them to keep one on the road working. at least they are good on gas. One day I might do an EV conversion.
I wonder if the 2.2l from an S10 could be swapped in? Like an LS swap but more pathetic.
Likely but depends on the era. I wanted to do a TDI swap but it’s like building a fiero onto a jetta more then an engine swap.
I think your fiero is from the post-Nader era in u.s. car manufacturing.
This honestly seems like the most practical outcome. It solves the problem. It’s not like they have family that are gonna care for these fucking Nazis when they’re dead. Turn them to ash and throw them in the junkyard with the car.
When we finally start eating the rich, we will have readily available fires to cook them over.
Wasnt there a maga dude that blew up his cybertruck in front of a hotel?
So much has happened last few years…
Don’t Teslas have the highest crash fatality stats on the road or something? Terrible company.
Cybertrucks are 17 times more likely to kill you in a fiery way than the Ford Pinto, the previous record holder.
https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2025/02/report-cybertruck-safety-ford-pinto/
I’m not in any way trying to downplay how bad the cyber-dumpster is, but is that an adequate sample size to extrapolate the fiery-death rate? The article says 17 times the rate of the Pinto, but it was only 5 total fires.
I mean they made millions of Pintos so yeah
Different person, but the Pinto controversy was overblown. Media hype made it an issue when it had similar incident rates with other vehicles at the time.
Ford Pinto - Wikipedia https://share.google/A9xMle5N02j1gPmCl
The biggest issue with the Pinto was not the Pinto itself, it was how Ford discussed the potential issues with it internally. It was their very well documented preference for money over protecting human life that caused the controversy.
We know this really happens all the time, at all companies and in all industries, but Ford was punished for saying the quiet part out loud (amongst themselves) and getting caught doing it. We are all supposed to at least put on a show of human lives being more important than money, and Ford failed to put on the show, and for that they were punished.
We still don’t care about human life, but at least we all felt better about it afterwards.
There’s an episode of Swindled all about how Ford knew this was a flaw and allowed it to happen so that they could compete in the lower end market.
huh, TIL. Thanks!
So it’s just 17 times more likely to burn you to death than average cars.
Average car of the 1970s.
that implies the rate at which CTs kill occupants is even higher than that when compared to modern cars, right?
With 'murican healthcare prices the fatality rate is a feature.
You even get a free cremation. Saves time and money!
God bless the free market
But maybe they have the lowest crash rate?
So like, crashes cost money right? Someone is responsible. Someone has to pay.
But if everyone dies in an inferno, then nobody is responsible. Who can pay? They’re all dead! What medical bills? What repairs? It’s all a write off.
Sounds like a high mortality rate with low accident rate is an absolute profitable win! Free market baby!According to the article they have higher crash rates and fatalities because the drivers are worse. The cars themselves actually rate fairly high in safety standards.
That being said, I think the safety evaluations are flawed and don’t consider things like electronic locks.
cybertruck is a built in crematorium and Coffin at the same time,elon makes nazi impressed.
Fires that entrap passengers are a well-documented and recurring problem with every model in Tesla’s lineup of vehicles, but Cybertrucks appear to have a disproportionate number of known deaths. Safety experts have told the Guardian that the truck’s unique design amplifies the deadly issue. The vehicles come with high-density laminated windows that are harder to break than regular car windows, making escape and rescue difficult when doors won’t unlock. And the trucks are built with materials not commonly used in the industry, like stainless steel, which can complicate the work of emergency responders. The Cybertruck is also the first Tesla model to entirely eliminate door handles on the outside of the vehicle.
First, “unique” design? It’s an ugly callback to the wedge-shaped cars of the 80s. It looks like a DeLorean model that refused to render properly, and the dev just went with it.
Second, the decision to exclude door handles is fucking mental. It’s a mundane feature that cars have had since the Model T. If they wanted to make a pickup, its handles should resemble those found on a typical pickup. If it’s “aesthetics” they’re after (which shouldn’t matter when it comes to a pickup), some of the best looking cars have had no problem including door handles into its design.
The reason to eliminate door handles that Tesla and others typically give is aerodynamic efficiency. Granted there are other bigger aerodynamic problems. gestures at the rest of the fucking truck
aerodynamic efficiency
For internal door handles?
Optimized for flatulence.
I thought they did have internal door handles but they’re hidden away. The problem is often they’re difficult to get to even when the car is completely intact.
When it comes to driving a self-propelled crematorium, I’d primarily be concerned about the internal door handles.
I was thinking of the external ones which aren’t default exposed
That was always Musk bullshit. Flush mechanical handles were a thing in the 70s.
That’s just nonsense justification they came up with after the fact. Ferraris have door handles, so clearly they’re not much of an issue.
Anyway the car isn’t going to exceed 80 miles an hour anyways so aerodynamics barely comes into it.
The improvement removing the handles is there, but negligible. Especially considering the safety implications. Didn’t China ban flush door handles for safety reasons?
Didn’t China ban flush door handles for safety reasons?
Yeah, but that literally just happened last month and doesn’t take effect until January 2027. It’s not like they did that years ago because they saw it coming.
It looks like a DeLorean model that refused to render properly
Lmao
looks like a DeLorean
It is a “Deplorean”
Fires that entrap passengers are a well-documented and recurring problem with every model in Tesla’s lineup of vehicles
How is this a perfectly valid statement about the worlds richest man’s car company without us beating him to death with hammers/ seeing how many of those baseball sized steel balls he can handle?
deleted by creator
“Unique” here refers to the fact that every other car is built pretty much the same way in as much first responders are concerned, and that makes them predictable and fairly easy to get out of while cybertrucks are strong enough and door-handleless enough to be incredibly dangerous(while also not being strong enough to do most of what they promise).
