Edit: LOL love the responses. You ain’t wrong…
Edit2: I posted this for giggles and have enjoyed it immensely. Thanks for the “parenting advice” (rolls eyes). My daughter is a shit show, but I wouldn’t trade her in for anything. She has three daughters, one of which is exactly like her and the two others are not. So…
For an adult? Nah. You can certainly kindly let them know that this isn’t really gonna work and explain why (and let them know you appreciate the effort), but the rest of it is way overkill and could easily be seen as patronizing, imo. They’re an adult, not a 13 year old.
Also, I interpreted the OP as finding it humorously absurd (which it is) rather than being frustrated or anything.
As the parent of a 13-year-old, that wouldn’t work either. They’d just pout and tell you that you think they can’t do anything right.
Not that getting angry helps, that makes it worse. Bargaining can work though. Promising bubble tea from a local cafe if they do it right goes a long way toward committing a teenager to education.
This method of bribery also works on supreme court judges.