Poor dude got accused of sexual harassment when he was trying to convey his love for human flesh.
Love is love!
I have a love for good looking men
Í wanteaux eaute yeaux
I think this might be fake french.
Not enough accents on those letters.
Yamedekudastop and seeyounara
This just reminded me of a time I, an American, was in France and some French dude tried to talk shit outside of a bar. He said, in a very French accent, “I ate l’Anglais”. Please allow me to break down what is wrong with this sentence.
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First and foremost, I’m pretty sure he had not actually eaten anyone and instead was trying to communicate his strong dislike for me.
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He also started off the sentence in English, which was a brave effort, I must admit. Especially seeing how he never learned to pronounce the letter H in his English class (see point #1), this took real courage to attempt to talk shit in a language with which he clearly struggled. However, as you can see in the second half of his sentence, he reverted back to his native tongue, so I can’t give him too much credit.
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Finally, “l’Anglais” is French for “the English”. As I mentioned earlier, I am American, which is not the same as being English. We had a rather nasty war a few hundred years ago that settled the matter, but apparently they have not heard about that in all areas of France.
All in all, he had 3 major errors in a sentence that contained 4 words. 2 of the words be “I” and “l’”.
I think he meant to say that he hates the language
Yes, otherwise he would have said “les Anglais”.
- Quite funny that he expressed to have eaten a lot of people and now he seems to be the one inside you, since he’s living rent free in your head and all
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«Je veux te manger», je croirais.
Which also sounds like “I want to eat you” in a sexual context…
That’s just because everything french is more sexy.
Why are a third of the words he says “tabarnak”?
Because it’s one third of his vocabulary!
Not just tabarnak, something like half of what he says is swears. There are so many people like him around here, even worse in rural Quebec.
That guy sounds exactly like Gerard Depardieu looks 😄
I agree, but he’s from Quebec though (and probably doesn’t know who Depardieu is 😂)
It’s our version of a redneck screaming at birds…
This begs the question of how the French talk about vore
Its je crois
In English, the phrase I was going for was “I would think”. It’s correct in English, and means mostly the same thing as “I think”, with slightly different connotations. I’m not exactly sure how to verbalise what those connotations are, just that in this case it felt better. I think in this context it made it slightly more comical/sardonic?
Obviously, “je croirais” is the correct literal translation of “I would think”. But does it not work to carry a similar connotation in French? And if not, is there some other phrase/conjugation of croire I could use to get across that tone?
Unfortunately my French knowledge is almost entirely academic, so knowing how to use it with more nuance than literal word-for-word changes is a bit beyond me, outside of where that is obviously academically inappropriate.
You would need to add a condition to conjugate it that way so it becomes a conditionnel présent, but coloqually you are still under this belief, so I thought it was best to just assume that the present simple was best for your answer.
However you could say you were going for the futur antérieur, but I would think isint in the future…
Je croirais would more mean “I would believe” (conditional) as in “I’d believe it if I saw it myself”
In English it’s not conditional
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You are very much mistaken
It exists but there is no condition in what his said so the conditionnel cannot apply
IMO “Je croirais” is related to the verb “to believe”.
“I think” would most likely be translated to “Je pense”.
A thinker is a “penseur” in French.
So basically, you could end the sentence (or even better start it) with “Je pense”.
Here I would say “Je pense que [Insert doubtful info]”.
When I was learning French I was told penser and croire were interchangeable in this context.
The issue here is more the fact that “Je croirais” doesn’t exist.
It’s close to “Je croirai” which is simple futur (Futur simple).
So what you said is closer to "I will believe ".
The past tense that would work here would be :
“Je croyais que” (Imparfait).
But yeah you could say “Je croyais que” or “Je pensais que” both would be fine.
the fact that “Je croirais” doesn’t exist
Okay this I’m very confident is incorrect. I’m very open to the idea that it might not be correct to use in the way I used it here, but it definitely exists. It’s the conditional tense, first person singular conjugation of croire.
Yes, it’s a complete fail on my part.
I wanted to verify how to conjugate this verb and ended up on a classic website “Le conjugueur”.
But you can’t use that website anymore without accepting cookies. So I went to the “Le monde” conjugueur but it just didn’t show conditional present.
That being said I knew and used many times “je croirais” so I don’t know what went through my mind :(
You’re mistaken, “je croirais” exists, it’s the “conditionnel présent” (conditionnal present).
Example sentence: “Je te croirais si t’avais des preuves.” (Translation: “I would believe you if you had proof”).
Cher ami, je veux te manger de façon cannibale. C’est à dire que je souhaite te dévorer, cru ou cuit, de manière litterale. S’il te plait n’y voit aucune utilisation du second degré ni une quelconque forme d’allusion sexuelle, j’ai trop de respect pour toi, bien que cela ne signifie pas pour autant que je sois insensible à tes charmes mais c’est un autre sujet.
Of course if the person is a women you would have to adapt a few words. Also if the person is not your friend change it to Madame or Monsieurs.
Vas-y bouffe moi on s’en fout des termes, dévore moi!
Et tu dois vouvoyer si le sujet n’est pas ton ami.
*In the style of Nine Inch Nails*
🎶I wanna eat you like a cannibal🎵
Why does my brain sing it in the tune of wrecking ball?! I specifically requested Nine Inch Nails!
Haha I like this, too.
if youre friendly to said target: Je veux te manger
the polite way when referring to some stanger and you want to want eat them. Je voudrais vous manger
What about something along the lines of:
J’ai envie manger toi.
?
Don’t clown my lack of grammar pls
J’ai envie de te manger
Close! It would be more like:
J’ai envie de te manger.
Putting toi at the end doesn’t make the person the recipient of the action.
“I want you inside me …for a determinated ammount of time”
“I’d like to wrap my mouth around all the parts of your body.”
J’accuse, mon petit fromage
I see “fromage” and my mind instantly went to that one Dexter’s Lab episode
An entire generation ruined by one small segment of one small show. I do too lol
It’s weird how often I think about that episode.
French isn’t real lol
I actually have an answer in song and animation for that!
https://youtu.be/rb-wk0ATuvI?si=l6p86Y1wDjTkHg2M
(It’s “Je veux te manger le corps”, I believe?)
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://piped.video/rb-wk0ATuvI?si=l6p86Y1wDjTkHg2M
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
That reminds me… There was an exhibit called Body Worlds, not sure if it is still around. But my family was in Montreal and we decided to go, but it’s Montreal so everything French and we got a kick out of its name “Le Monde du Corps” which I mean is much more straight to the point… but we all thought it was hilarious.
What the fuck did I just watch?
Yes, that will work its way into your dreams. I first heard that song in a documentary about nurses who help their severely disabled patients have sex. Just to add some more flavor to that video for you.
Voulez-vous manger avec moi, ce soir?
Tu est mon repas ce soir ;)
Je veux languer ton trou de beignet jusqu’à ce que j’aspire toute la crème
Mon Dieu!
C’est très romantique mais OP veut manger pas aspirer de la crème.
Il veut l’ingurgiter mais il a a été un peu timide sur la fin
Je voudrais mangez-vous, of course.
If you’re black: J’uanté tu choux ju une tradiçion des peuples moine de l’Congo (I’m sorry)
