• JennaR8r@lemmy.dbzer0.com
    291·
    3 days ago

    Danger: Please don’t give anyone the idea that the only way for men to get lucky with a woman is via murder.

  • garth@sh.itjust.works
    271·
    3 days ago

    An audible sigh followed by “Fine” or “Sure” = Yes

    But the lack of enthusiasm really kills the mood.

  • FiniteBanjo@feddit.onlineEnglish
    231·
    3 days ago

    Technically, humans are animals so this basically rules out everything except corpses and sentient plants, fungi, and inanimate objects.

  • OwOarchist@pawb.socialEnglish
    18·
    3 days ago

    Eh … I’m on the fence about “hesitated yes”.

    If we’re to reducto ad absurdum it, exactly how much hesitation turns a yes to a no? In fractions of a second, please.

    • roux2scour@jlai.lu
      22·
      3 days ago

      Id say hesitating yes require a proper confirmation. If the person doesn’t look sure to you, ask them ?

    • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
      3·
      2 days ago

      Yeah I’ve been sexually violated in ways like posts like this are usually about (coerced and pressured past my "no"s into situations I didn’t want) and while I respect the effort, I feel like they’re often in a weird position of overzealous and only really applicable in hookup type situations, they also often ignore more manipulative styles of pressuring a yes.

      Hesitation is fine, but it may be good practice to double check if the following yes isn’t enthusiastic. The yes is often less important than the enthusiasm in early stages. I’ve had wonderful nights of tongue wrestling where we never asked, we flirted until it was clearly mutual, and in one case we were hesitating at first because we were both not super comfortable with the age gap (we talked about it after). And we were both drunk, because there’s a difference between consensual actions while in an altered state and taking advantage of a drunk person, and that difference largely comes down to enthusiasm and being in a similar state. If I’m one beer in and generally feeling fine I ought to turn down a shitfaced woman who’s hitting on me hard, but if I’m right there with her that’s fine.

      And in long term relationship6s I think the need for enthusiasm reduces. Sometimes you put out when you aren’t really in the mood because you love your partner and value the intimacy. That’s not being sexually violated unless you were pressured or coerced.

      Consent is a discussion that requires genuine nuance, and checklists will always come off as far more clunky than most people’s lived experiences with it.

  • DarkCloud@lemmy.world
    17·
    3 days ago

    Pfft, a simple “Yes” is not exactly enthusiastic consent. I need enthusiastic consent before I even send the first message.

    • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
      4·
      3 days ago

      Some people think animals can consent, it’s just “non-verbal”. Best you can get is sometimes you’ll have to restrain (or drug) an animal in heat less. In reality, that’s like if pedophilia was okay if the child was teen and extremely horny, in reality teens are more often targeted than pre-pubescent kids, and they also groomed with sexual and/or romantic favors.

    • MinnesotaGoddam@lemmy.worldEnglish
      4·
      3 days ago

      I used to go to church at this cult and people are weird. There was this kid there (he’s okay now but like, we all grow up a little twisted) who was always making jokes about putting peanut butter on his nethers and having his dog lick it off. One day someone must have reported the jokes and that was the last time (thank gods) we heard them, despite months of telling him that was fucked up.

  • janewaydidnothingwrong@lemmy.world
    71·
    2 days ago

    I feel like you’re allowed to hesistate and still say a “yes” yes, especially since the “threatened and then said yes” is separate on this. It can be complicated and thought over first, no?

    • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
      4·
      3 days ago

      But only if the person has consented to it during their life. Some people are now arranging things, so that necrophiles can have one happy moment in their life at least “the proper way”, some allegedly going even further and letting their bodies to be preserved for sex purposes. While it makes me go “eww”, at least it’s not something like parents letting pedophiles to rape their kids, not the animal stuff, etc…

  • kn33@lemmy.worldEnglish
    91·
    3 days ago

    Okay, but the line about “bribed” doesn’t sit right with me. We doing SWERF stuff now?

    • evidences@lemmy.world
      7·
      3 days ago

      Bribes are given as a form of coercion, if it’s legit sex work than no bribe is given and both parties are consenting. Just giving someone money or good in trade for a service isn’t a bribe.

    • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
      4·
      3 days ago

      Depends on. If it’s someone who actually wants to do it, then it’s not a bribe. However if someone doesn’t want to be a sex worker gets money (or workplace promotion, toys, candies) offered for sex does constitute as bribing.

    • brynden_rivers_esq@lemmy.ca
      52·
      3 days ago

      Is considering sex work generally non-consensual a SWERF thing? I’d guess most people who think that don’t at all want to exclude sex workers…it’s not a criticism of sex workers. I also don’t think it precludes that some people might not have a coercive experience with sex work. Im sure there are plenty of people selling feet pics on instagram and feeling great about it, and maybe that’s fine…but I don’t think that’s the norm!

      Maybe I’m wrong though; I don’t intend to be a swerf, but I do think sex work is generally non-consensual. Most paid work is probably non-consensual on some level but I think sex kind of has a special place in non-consensual activity.

      Sex work is obviously something many people feel forced into. 73% of sex workers have at least one disability; maybe they feel they have other options, but it looks like that’s not most people’s experience: https://www.ctvnews.ca/vancouver/article/nearly-3-in-4-sex-workers-live-with-a-disability-rare-bc-report-finds/